🟣 Do You Lie About Your Spending Habits?
A deep dive into your spending psychology, in the company of American psychiatrist, addiction specialist, and author of Dopamine Nation, Dr. Anna Lembke.
Fiction is my first love when it comes to books.
Picking up a non-fiction book always feels more like a chore than a choice.
That’s why I was the first to be surprised when Dopamine Nation pulled me in like a gripping novel.
Dopamine Nation is a New York Times bestseller written by Dr. Anna Lembke, an American psychiatrist and professor of psychiatry at Stanford University School of Medicine. In it, she explores the addiction crisis, our vulnerability to compulsive overconsumption, and the latest scientific discoveries explaining why our relentless pursuit of pleasure often leads to pain.
And it’s packed with the kind of raw, real-life stories that only reality could dream up. You know that feeling when you watch a movie based on a true story and think, “Of course—no one could make THAT up.”
This book has changed my life in some unexpected ways:
Since reading it, I’ve started way too many sentences with, “I read in Dopamine Nation that…”
I’m actively seeking out cold-water experiences.
I avoid taking painkillers for mild discomfort.
And I’ve completely overhauled my phone habits.
But the most surprising part?
I now consider Dopamine Nation one of my top three finance reads this year, despite having nothing to do with finance.
Why? The insights in this book will transform how you think about spending and consuming anything in general.
So, today, your financial self-care session is all about exploring the key lessons from Dopamine Nation and its new companion, Dopamine Nation Workbook, through the lens of our spending habits. Here's what you’ll find:
📌 Five Takeaways From Dopamine Nation That Will Make You Rethink How You Spend and Consume.
🎙️ Concrete Strategies From My 1:1 With Its Author, Dr. Anna Lembke, on Transforming Your Spending Habits.
✍️ Three Exercises from Dr. Lembke’s New Book, Dopamine Nation Workbook, to Start Practicing Right Now.
🎨 Three Affirmations to Download, Print, or Save as a Wallpaper—To Help You Manage Your Shopping Impulses.
📌 Five Takeaways from Dopamine Nation That Will Make You Rethink How You Spend and Consume.
1. “The smartphone is the modern-day hypodermic needle.”
Dr. Lembke doesn’t sugarcoat it: trauma, social upheaval, and poverty—these are all risk factors for addiction.
But another risk factor we often forget about?
Easy access.
Enter the smartphone, your personal dopamine dealer. The Internet has made every craving just a tap away.
And if you didn’t think you had a drug of choice. The algorithms will make sure you find it.
Think about it: you’re mindlessly scrolling through Instagram when, boom, an influencer flaunts a pair of shoes you didn’t even know you wanted (and let’s be real, they’re bad for your feet, end up stinking and aren’t practical for most weather—yeah, you, stupid ballet flats).
A few taps, and they’re yours. But it’s not really about the shoes, is it? It’s about the high—the thrill of the hunt, the anticipation, the rush when the package hits your doorstep. It’s short-lived, but for many of us, it’s addictive.
The more accessible the ‘drug,’ the more likely we are to try it. And once we’re in, we’re easily stuck in the dopamine loop.
🟣 One question for you: What’s your ‘quick fix’ when you’re feeling down?2. “Supply has created demand as we all fall prey to the vortex of compulsive overuse.”
Lembke lays it out: the sheer availability of STUFF makes us want more. We might think we’re in control, but when everything we could possibly desire is just a click away, the line between need and want blurs.
The internet doesn’t just make it easy to consume—it makes it inevitable.
Patterned bean bag chairs, sculptural candle holders, decorative bookends, marble coasters, hanging woven baskets, boho macrame plant hangers, velvet poufs, rattan wall mirrors, neon wall signs, striped cushions, striped everything, checkered carpets, checkered everything.
Do we need them at all?
Probably not. But the idea is planted, and the next thing you know, you’re adding it to your cart. It’s not the pillows you’re after; it’s the hit of satisfaction from getting something new, the brief illusion of fulfillment.
But here’s the catch: the more we consume, the more we crave, and the cycle just keeps spinning.
The act of consumption itself becomes the drug.
🟣 One question for you: What are you currently craving that you know you don’t actually need?3. “All this trying to insulate ourselves from pain seems only to have made our pain worse.”
We’re so busy chasing dopamine highs that we forget the value of sitting with our emotions. It’s like we’re living in a world where being bored is a crime, and the only way to escape the guilt is through a constant stream of entertainment.
Dr. Lembke has this brilliant example in the book where she challenges a patient of hers who’s addicted to social media to take a walk—without headphones, without scrolling through feeds—and you can relate so quickly to this person’s discomfort.
Another important learning here?
The more we run from pain, the more pain we feel.
She points to various studies showing that countries with greater wealth report higher anxiety levels and skyrocketing numbers of depression.
How wild is that?
And how ironic, too.
As we accumulate more wealth and technological advancements, we seem to be more miserable than ever.
🟣 One question for you: When was the last time you went for a walk in silence without any distractions? 4. “Our compulsive overconsumption risks not just our demise but also that of our planet.”
Our ballet flats, collection of Adidas Sambas, stripy cushions—whatever your kryptonite may be.
They’re all future trash, waiting to pile up in landfills.
🌵 Dr. Lembke says, “We are cacti in the rainforest. And like cacti adapted to an arid climate, we are drowning in dopamine.”
Our rainforest is also paying the price.
Reading this book flipped a switch for me. Now, when I scroll through mood boards full of clothes and decor, I don’t just see pretty things. I also see trash.
🟣 The next time we feel the urge to click “add to cart,” we could pause for a moment and ask ourselves: do our shopping choices align with our commitment to protecting our planet? 5. “There is an alternative path that might work better: embracing pain.”
🟣 How are you feeling after these last few minutes of your Money Feelings session?If the points we’ve covered so far made you feel uncomfortable, you’re not alone—I feel the same. But here’s the biggest takeaway I got from Dopamine Nation: it’s not only okay to feel discomfort and pain; it’s absolutely essential.
This is how you reset your balance, break free from the dopamine loop, and step out of addictive behaviors.
By embracing pain, boredom, discomfort.
Dr. Lembke puts it perfectly:
“I urge you to find a way to immerse yourself fully in the life that you’ve been given. To stop running from whatever you’re trying to escape, and instead to stop, and turn, and face whatever it is.”
Her book offers plenty of wisdom and practical strategies to help you do just that but I wanted to dive into specifics about what we’re focused on here: buying behaviors, so I went straight to the source—Dr. Lembke herself. 👇
🎙️ Concrete Strategies From My 1:1 with Dr. Anna Lembke on Transforming Your Spending Habits.
🟣 I'm struggling with my spending habits and want to get them under control, but how do I even start?
Conceptualize buying things as a drug that gives you a brief reward but is followed by a come-down, which may exacerbate feelings of depression and anxiety, which drives further spending.
Therefore, taking a break from buying things is a way to be good to yourself, rather than a deprivation.
🟣 What are typical missteps people make when trying to break free from compulsive shopping, and how can I avoid them?
They rely on willpower alone.
Willpower is not an infinite resource. We have less willpower at the end of the day than we do at the beginning. We have less willpower when we’re ‘hungry, angry, lonely, or tired (HALT)’.
Therefore, create self-binding strategies in advance of desire to help assist your willpower. This includes things like only paying in cash, never credit or e-payment system, cut up credit cards, de-activate electronic payments systems.
This puts a barrier between desire and consumption which allows us to meet our goals.
🟣 What’s the difference between compulsive shopping and shopping addiction? When does compulsive shopping cross the line into addiction?
Addiction is the continued compulsive use of a substance or behavior despite harm to self and/or others. Once it’s causing harm, it’s an addiction.
Another soft sign to look for is lying. When we’re lying about our spending, we’ve likely crossed the line into addiction.
🟣 What do you believe is the biggest misconception about shopping addiction?
That it can’t be an addiction because it doesn’t involve the ingestion of a substance.
🟣 In your practice, what factors have you seen contribute the most to a successful recovery from shopping addiction?
Taking a break from unnecessary spending for four weeks to reset reward pathways;
Implementing self-binding strategies and
Getting support from other humans, either mental health professionals or those struggling with similar problems.
🟣 How can friends and family support someone who is struggling with compulsive spending?
Providing alternative coping strategies, like simply spending time together that doesn’t involve spending money or acquiring things.
✍️ Three Exercises from Dr. Lembke’s New Book, Dopamine Nation Workbook, to Start Practicing Right Now.
Dr. Lembke recently published a practical sidekick to her NYT best-selling book, Dopamine Nation Workbook. And it is not just a companion piece; it’s a treasure trove of actionable insights designed to help you reset your dopamine pathways.
One of my favorite aspects? Again, real-life examples from Dr. Lembke’s patients that bring the material to life.
The Workbook follows an engaging roadmap called D.O.P.A.M.I.N.E., with each letter representing a dedicated chapter:
Data,
Objectives,
Problems,
Abstinence and Asceticism,
Mindfulness,
Insight (and Radical Honesty),
Next Steps, and
Experiment.
I know this session has been quite intense, so I’ve selected three of the quickest exercises from the first step of the roadmap: Data. This step is all about gathering simple facts about your consumption—what you’re using, how much, and how often. And of course, it’s just a glimpse of what the Workbook has to offer!
1. Identifying Problematic Substances and Behaviors.
“Circle the substances and/or behaviors that you’ve struggled with at some point in your life, past or present, especially those behaviors you’d like to change, or you’re contemplating changing. Don’t gloss over this step.”
2. Characterizing Problematic Substances and Behaviours.
“Take the substances and behaviors you circled in the table above, or any addtional ones you didn’t find in the table that you’ve added, and transpose them onto the table below, putting a check or an X in the columns that apply to that particular behavior.”
3. Quantifying Use Over One Week.
“Fill in the table below, recording quantity and frequencyof use for each day of the past week. Try to be as specific and accurate as possible. Don’t minimize.”
Taking small steps toward understanding our dopamine cravings can lead to long-lasting changes in our spending habits and overall well-being.
🟣 What did you find out from these exercises?🎨 Three Affirmations to Download, Print, or Save as a Wallpaper—To Help You Manage Your Shopping Impulses.
If you’ve been on Money Feelings for a while, you know I can’t leave you without a visual candy (one of my healthy ways to get a dopamine hit is graphic design).
Today, for the first time, I immersed myself in the world of affirmation cards. I hope they’ll help with your shopping or any other impulse—and/or bring a smile to your face!
👏👏👏 Well done for dedicating the past 10 minutes to your financial well-being!
I hope you enjoyed this session. If you did, let me know in the comments—it would make my day!
You can also tap the 💜 below, invite a friend to check out Money Feelings (get a free month of paid access when three friends subscribe), or subscribe so you don’t miss our next session.
Enjoy the rest of your week,
Pauline 💜
This is a fab post Pauline. I'm so glad I kept it in my inbox to come back to when I had time. You (and of course Anna) have set the tone brilliantly – and without any of the condescending undertones we so often see when it comes to speaking about ill conceived spending habits. The book is top of my list to read!
A fresh perspective into our spending habits and great work! 💜💜💜