🛠️ The Complete Toolkit For Crushing Your Money Jealousy.
🟣 8 concrete exercises and tools, in 3 steps.
⏱️ The plan for your 10 minutes of weekly financial self-care:
3 exercises to understand where your jealousy comes from.
5 challenges to help you manage its intensity.
1 great tip from a reader to make the most of it.
8 recommendations for tools & services if you need support.
Hello there 💜
How have you been?
It's been a rough few days over here. The European election results were really frightening, and the relentless rain hasn't helped lift my spirits.
(If you're considering a visit to Amsterdam and want to blend in, reflective waterproof capes and pants are currently all the rage.)
BUT!
I’m really energized about the 40 new people who joined this corner of Substack the past week.
Welcome to you all!
Today, we build our self-awareness and financial emotional intelligence by addressing our jealousy.
An important disclaimer before we start:
No, I won’t help you get rid of that feeling.
Envy & jealousy are natural feelings.
And we love feelings!
But I gathered tools and exercises from psychology and finance experts to help you:
Manage their intensity.
Stop the shame and guilt derived from jealousy.
And avoid making harmful money decisions triggered by it.
We’re doing it in 3 steps:
🪞 Reflect: That‘s your time to work on your self-awareness because we can’t deal with something if we don’t recognize it.
✊ Change: This part is about self-growth but will require your commitment because you can’t change if you don't want to change.
☎️ Support: If you feel the first two steps are insufficient, I’ll suggest paths for external support because we all need help sometimes.
🟣 But first, if someone forwarded you this email, Money Feelings is your weekly dose of financial self-care designed to:
Kiss your limiting money mindsets and behaviors goodbye.
Grow your financial wisdom in style: less jargon, more emotion.
Increase your financial well-being, one feeling at a time.
If you don’t want to miss one:
You can also make yourself visible by offering discounts on your services/products to Money Feelings readers:
Or follow me on Substack or LinkedIn.
Exercise 1. The most difficult step is to admit you’re jealous.
Admitting jealousy isn’t easy—it can lead to guilt and shame, like "I feel like an awful person for being jealous of my best friend."
But all emotions are valuable—they're like pieces of data. We can't make decisions without them.
That’s why identifying and naming them, especially the uncomfortable ones, helps us make wiser choices. Here’s a practical approach:
📌 Steps
Identify what triggers your money jealousy.
Record it: WhatsApp or email it to yourself, jot it down in your fancy monogrammed leather journal or stash it in your impeccably tidy Notion notes.
Be detailed: Describe the situation, the people involved, and how it made you feel.
💪 Why it works
Data-driven: Writing down specific triggers provides concrete data, helping us recognize patterns and pinpoint situations that trigger envy.
Personal introspection: Reflective writing encourages deep introspection. Writing about personal experiences for as little as 15 minutes over three days improves mental and physical health.
📎 The source
Pennebaker, J. W., & Seagal, J. D. (1999). Forming a story: The health benefits of narrative. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 55(10), 1243–1254.
🔧 The tool
For my fellow stationery enthusiasts: it’s scientifically proven that this exercise is best enjoyed with one of Papier’s beautiful notebooks and journals. They also have finance planners! This one's my favorite👇. If you pick one, please let me know which one you choose. 🤓
Exercise 2. What’s hidden behind my jealousy?
Sometimes, the real reasons for our feelings are buried deep in our unconscious and masked by rationalizations. This exercise helps you uncover the emotional complexities fueling your jealousy.
📌 Steps
Think about these two questions:
Are unresolved issues holding you back, preventing you from letting these normal feelings roll off your back?
Is this just about money?
Consider these specific instances, too:
Is there intense competition and comparison within your family?
Did you experience financial instability, insecurity, or deprivation?
Did you grow up in a family that associates material success with validation, love, and acceptance?
💪 Why it works
Self-awareness: Exploring what’s behind your jealousy leads to more self-awareness, personal growth, and emotional intelligence.
Clarity: It helps you differentiate between rational concerns and irrational fears, allowing you to respond more calmly and thoughtfully in situations that might otherwise trigger jealousy.
Healthy coping: It encourages you to develop healthier ways of coping with jealousy, like building self-esteem, seeking validation from within, or addressing fears through practical financial planning.
📎 The source
🔧 The tool
If you want to dig deeper into past financial traumas, this edition of Money Feelings 👇 offers more specific exercises and two discounts on excellent services that can support your journey of discovery.
Exercise 3. Am I too jealous?
This exercise helps you distinguish between healthy ambition and unhealthy financial envy.
📌 Steps
Ask yourself this: Do you ever feel like you can't sit with your feelings, manage them internally, and let them go to the point that they become an obsession?
And this one: Have you ever done something you later regretted or found unreasonable, driven by envy/jealousy rather than making a thoughtful choice?
💪 Why it works
Self-reflection: By pondering these questions, you create a space to assess whether your jealousy is constructive or harmful.
Awareness: Reflecting on past actions influenced by jealousy helps you understand the consequences of letting it drive your behavior.
Action: It encourages you to take steps if you realize your jealousy is harmful.
📎 The source
🔧 The tool
You can use the Money Feelings comments section to share your feelings with our community in a private paywalled space.
For a fully anonymous money conversation, try the GoFund Yourself Community, a judgment-free zone for financial discussions.
This month, I’m suggesting 5 challenges for managing your (money) jealousy, recommended by financial coaches, therapists, and advisors.
Don’t give yourself the impossible challenge of doing them all. :)
I intentionally included various types of exercises. Not every one of them will suit you. Pick the one that feels most natural to you. And let us know which one you picked in the comments. Accountability is so effective for staying motivated!
💡 The rest of this episode is available to paid subscribers only.
To get access to the 5 challenges to manage your jealousy, the great reader tip to make the most of your jealousy and 8 recommendations for tools & services if you need support :
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