This year, I've had similar thoughts about weddingsāthey're just not my kind of party. On top of that, they often feel like a financial strain. Guests are expected to bring a thoughtful gift, and for women, thereās usually the added expectation of buying a dress, which can come with many strings attached. Then there's the time commitment, which could be spent on other things.
Of course, Iād attend without hesitation for a close friend or sibling. But most wedding invitations I receive are from old friends Iām no longer close with. We stay in touch occasionally and meet once or twice a year at bestāusually at parties. These are people who arenāt present for my birthdays or milestones, and Iām not part of their day-to-day lives anymore. And yet, I often feel overwhelmed with guilt, as though I owe it to them to attend āfor old timesā sake.ā It feels like refusing would make me a bad person, especially since they were kind enough to include me despite the distance thatās grown between us.
More broadly, it feels wrong to decline invitations to major life events without a significant reasonālike a sick parent or small child. But should we really feel guilty about protecting our time, money, and energy when the closeness that once justified such efforts has faded?
You just gained a subscriber! I love money, love discussing it, love reading about it, and love hearing personal insights delivered in a conversational tone. Money is at the heart of everything, yet so few women discuss it. Let's change that.
Tanya, thank you sooo much for this message. It's so encouraging. Welcome to Money Feelings, and let me know if there's anything you're particularly interested in!
I would add an element: have you considered the love languages? I mention this because your friend reminds me of 2 family members who aren't otherwise warm in ways I can recognise, but who express their affection through gift-giving.
Since gifts rank so low on my love language scale it makes me feel like it's a bit of an emotional hold-up. I try to be cognisant of it but it's still not a dynamic I'm v comfortable with. wdyt
Yes! Such a good point. I hadnāt thought about that, but Iām 120% an acts-of-service person. Nothing hotter than a partner running errands, cooking, cleaning, and handling the school whatsapp threads.
This year, I've had similar thoughts about weddingsāthey're just not my kind of party. On top of that, they often feel like a financial strain. Guests are expected to bring a thoughtful gift, and for women, thereās usually the added expectation of buying a dress, which can come with many strings attached. Then there's the time commitment, which could be spent on other things.
Of course, Iād attend without hesitation for a close friend or sibling. But most wedding invitations I receive are from old friends Iām no longer close with. We stay in touch occasionally and meet once or twice a year at bestāusually at parties. These are people who arenāt present for my birthdays or milestones, and Iām not part of their day-to-day lives anymore. And yet, I often feel overwhelmed with guilt, as though I owe it to them to attend āfor old timesā sake.ā It feels like refusing would make me a bad person, especially since they were kind enough to include me despite the distance thatās grown between us.
More broadly, it feels wrong to decline invitations to major life events without a significant reasonālike a sick parent or small child. But should we really feel guilty about protecting our time, money, and energy when the closeness that once justified such efforts has faded?
You just gained a subscriber! I love money, love discussing it, love reading about it, and love hearing personal insights delivered in a conversational tone. Money is at the heart of everything, yet so few women discuss it. Let's change that.
Tanya, thank you sooo much for this message. It's so encouraging. Welcome to Money Feelings, and let me know if there's anything you're particularly interested in!
Smart thinking as always!
I would add an element: have you considered the love languages? I mention this because your friend reminds me of 2 family members who aren't otherwise warm in ways I can recognise, but who express their affection through gift-giving.
Since gifts rank so low on my love language scale it makes me feel like it's a bit of an emotional hold-up. I try to be cognisant of it but it's still not a dynamic I'm v comfortable with. wdyt
Yes! Such a good point. I hadnāt thought about that, but Iām 120% an acts-of-service person. Nothing hotter than a partner running errands, cooking, cleaning, and handling the school whatsapp threads.
loved this one ! <3
Thank you Emilie š